Dazed Days

I didn't get my Starbucks this morning. For the last little while now the highlight of my every day has been going to the green haven to stand in line with the rich schmucks of Montecito to get our morning fill of coffee breath.

The drones in the deep green aprons wear fake smiles and ask all of our names as we take our individual turns approaching the light maple counter. The glass case displaying the oh-so-indulgent pastries stares at me from the right. They're always on the right.

Then I pay, move, and wait. I stand there glancing around the room looking for hot moms in black spandex pants, or just staring straight at the serving counter; it depends on what mood I'm in. Usually I space out for a couple minutes while they prepare my drink. I can see the workers moving fast but I have no idea if they're making my drink or if they're whipping up a million-dollar winner for the suit standing next to me.

They slap a lid on a cup and shove it into the protruding circle. Usually I'm too busy staring at hot mom ass to realize that my coffee's ready. "Chris!" They call for my drink and I come out of my daze. I slide the tall cup into a brown cardboard sleeve and off I go.

When I walk out the door and to my car I can't help but feel saddened by the fact that I have to leave the modern furniture and light brown walls of Starbucks only to sit in an uncomfortable office chair and uselessly stare at a computer screen all day. I know the Green Smiles don't care about me, but they act like they do. Am I really that shallow that I feel good when people pretend to care? I must be. Everyone else is. Maybe that's what keeps me comin back. Or maybe it's my addiction to caffeine.

I'm usually late when I do this because I wake up on time for work but I have some crazy notion that if you're not late to work then you're not cool. They'll yell at me in another month, and I'll nod and say "Yup," and keep on being late. It's in my blood.

Today I decided to forgo the freshly ground heaven and actually come in to work on time. I look pretty haggard, and it's because I haven't really woken up yet, even though the sun is almost at its peak height of the day. I poured myself a cup of office-brewed coffee, but it's no good.

I'm sitting here staring at the white nebula that's formed on the top of the cold dark brown liquid. I don't wanna drink this shit, no one's given me a forced smile to do so, or tried to pretend like they love my very existence in this world. This sludge just came lifelessly out of a machine made only to get the job done and nothing else. I'm gonna go pour it out and hope I learned my lesson.

The Shins "Sea Legs" is playing loudly on my computer. It's gets to me to thinking about how people survive without Starbucks. But then again, there's one on literally every corner, so I guess they don't. Am I the only one who didn't go today?

Tomorrow I'm gonna have to order two drinks to make up for today's loss. That is if I make it to tomorrow. I miss my Green Friends. Hopefully they'll forgive me for what I've done.