An Amazing Opportunity with the Syndicate Pt. 1

In all the craziness of the recent times of my life, I once again found the perfect three-day escape. Every time I leave Vegas it seems as though the only thing I want to do is go straight back. I realize that I'm not the only one with this feeling, nor am I even one of a select few, but I can't help but love that place.

Three weeks ago I was given the amazing chance to be part of an age-old crew that has come together for decades to form outstanding feats of gambling glory: the Syndicate. The Syndicate that I'm referring to consists of my father and a large group of rotating friends, who, in their younger years, went to Vegas almost every weekend to take on the casinos and have the time of their lives. Some still go pretty regularly, but as the older generation dies out the tradition is being taught and handed down to the next in line.

The object of the Syndicate is very simple: everyone puts in the same amount of money on a certain gambling venture, and if there's overall profit then everyone splits what comes of it. If everyone loses, then it's on to the next game. A lot of the time this consists of everyone putting in a certain amount of money into a single machine, whether it be slot or video slot, while one person takes the chair and tries to dominate that specific game with his fellow members cheering on in rally. This isn't to say that table games are not on the ballot, because they are, but the exception is that craps is rarely , if ever, played for the Syndicate. While most of the time the group will lose, if you use the extended currencies to hit a hot machine the big payouts tend to even everyone out.

This latest adventure pitted two old-timers and a first-timer (myself) against the wonders of the City of Lights. The father and I headed out on a Friday noon to meet up with the other, Ben, who would likely be in full swing. Ben is still a Vegas junkie. He's a monthly visitor and, luckily for us, he and his brother play enough and high enough that they get comped wherever they need to. This weekend it at the Palazzo. I was excited to check it out, as I was staying next door at the Venetian during the Palazzo's soft opening but failed to go in.

While we would be staying at the "new definition of luxury", we needed to head to the Orleans first so we could hit up the daily 7PM tourney. The two of us got there barely before the tourney started, so we said a quick hello to our third member and quickly bought in for $105. Before we started the tournament I learned a few rules about the Syndicate.

Rule #1: There must always be either 3 or 5 people in the Syndicate. The odd man must have final say over a tied vote.

Rule #2: Always have faith, the Syndicate will prevail!

Rule #3: Drink a lot.

Rule #4: "Details". (This'll be more clear later in the story.)

So we all grabbed a couple drinks and headed to take our seats. After a few hours of play I was pretty standard stacked, but doubled up right before the first break. The three of us found out that I was the biggest stack of the Syndicate's three horses, yet in my mind Ben was the favorite to pull through the weekend's first victory.

Eventually I ended up blinding down and found myself with about 11k with the blinds at 1000/2000/300. There was a break and blind increase in a few minutes so I was hoping to double up again like I did before the first break. A few hands later UTG raised to 6.5k while I looked down at AKo in the hijack. I obviously snap shoved for the rest of my short stack and got called 3 ways behind. I was up against AKo in the SB, 1010 UTG, and for some reason the 40k stack BB called my RR and then called the UTG's 35k reshove AI with...KJo. So I was drawing to chop with a case K or one of two Aces, but neither fell and the 1010 picked up a healthy pot.

I was out before the second break with no cash, but looked over to see Ben, the group favorite, on the rail. We scouted out Father-man to check his status as the tourney went into the second break, and it looked like his stack would be in trouble after the break was over. The Syndicate's first investment looked weak.

The two of us found a drink girl and a Texas Tea machine, and decided to play some two-way action as we each plugged a $20 into the famed machine. Now this is where I caught my first glimpse of the beauty of a function like the Syndicate. Even on a low budget you can play and drink for a long time and still have a ton of fun. You triple your play-time on any machine, and when the play hits you get fun money given back to you. There are a few times in my first trip with the group that we ended up hitting big payouts when were down to our last 1/3 of the buyin. Without buying in for triple or split action from the Syndicate, one would more than likely walk away after the first $20 or $100 without success. The Syndicate, my friends, is a group founded on the idea of success.

While this was not true action in the sense of our ring, we both played and hit the bonus, for which I picked three spots that were the lowest payouts on the board. Mark one for Chris being horrible at gambling this weekend. We bottomed out and hit the bar and then the rail again to watch our third player play on. He eventually broke before the cash and we hit our first loss of the weekend.

It was time for some more drinks so the three of us grabbed 'em and took off running. The casino was about to be our bitch for the night, we were convinced of it!

We munched up a Chinese food dinner before we roamed the casino floor for a while. Unfortunately, hours of drinking and pumping machines full of twenties at the Orleans resulted in nothing more than lighter pockets. At the tail end of our session we landed on another Texas Tea machine that took us up to almost even with a four-spot bonus that hit pretty big right off the bat. We cashed out, shipped the split profit from the game, and decided to head back to the poker room to take advantage of their 11PM $80 tourney.

After the drinks that were in me, and facing a small field of four short-handed tables, my brain almost considered this tourney a locked win in favor of me. My fingers had different plans though. I lost about half my stack in the first two orbits, and got into a couple quarrels with a kid who thought he was God's gift to poker. There he was at an hour-to-midnight wearing a beanie, sunglasses, and a pair of headphones, playing the best poker of his life.

Ben was again knocked out before me, and I lasted about half an hour before I pushed my stack with 27hh UTG. The kid called with 38o and, as fate would have it, 8-high held across the board. Obviously the Gift made sure that the table heard that he KNEW 8-high was good, he knew it! So...my plans for this tournament didn't pan out.

I was fearless in my defeat, however, because I knew that the video poker bar was feet away! After watching some nub falling over as he walked away from the same bar, I sauntered up and pounded some $20 drinks while I played free video poker. Right at the end of my third drink I hit a couple full houses and shipped back a double-profit. My losses were shrinking, this was good news.

This is where things got a bit hazy. The drinks didn't stop, the gambling didn't stop, but somewhere along the way my memory began to cower away. The Syndicate fought hard throughout the night and from the evidence of the morning after we were only down $160 from gambling, and only around $100 each from tipping. We loaded our bags from our car into a cab and took off to the Palazzo to top off the night.

Part 2 is going to be a mix of story-telling and "fill-in-the-black" memory, but I'll do the best I can to recall it all in my next post.

I know that I have yet to continue on the other Pt. 1 I started about my birthday trip in December, but I feel like writing this one now while it's fresh. Bear with me here, I just started writing again ;)

And be sure to check out Splendid Simplism for daily updates on my life that aren't gambling related.

There's a Place to Gamble, and There's a Place to Complain About Life

I feel like I created this blog to tell stories of degeneracy and (a now recognized failure of) gambling domination, but lately all that's come from Sitting the Apple is a bunch of self-loathing and gray matter that's more accurately described as mental excrement than ingenious brainiacal amazement. Therefore, I created a new place to put my daily whines so I can keep this blog for its intended purpose: the GAMBOL!

I'd like to lead you now to: Splendid Simplism. I can only hope that the title exorbitantly explains the confusion I seem to currently be in. Whereas here I will hopefully eventually sit the apple, there I will freely sit in a corner of my mind and unleash the hells that I face outside of the gambling world.

Never stay gone from Sitting the Apple too long, though, I have many unwritten tales of Vegas that I see coming to life in the near future...

Time to Clear My Head

After a painfully empty-handed release day on Tuesday, I received the controversial Grand Theft Auto IV yesterday. The game was kept on a "hush-hush" level throughout it's production and all the way up to its release date. While there was obviously a lot to be expected of this masterpiece, I wasn't really sure what I could want out of a next generation console.

I decided to preorder it merely days before it was released since I had barely paid any attention to it at all. I had to pop in GTA: San Adreas when I first thought about buying the latest installation, and within an hour of replaying one of the funnest games I played on the XBOX, I knew I'd have to have to have its 360 cousin. Now, after putting in a night's worth of playing time, I'm glad I kept in the family.

This is a huge game. The physics, the game engine itself, the graphics, the gameplay, the storyline...all top notch. Adding in the online multiplayer function and it's variety of MP game modes really puts the double icing on this cake. This is going to end up being one of the most sold games out there, and I wouldn't be surprised to see a bunch of younguns putting their entirety into this game, regardless of the fact that it's marked for mature audiences only.

Once I got the game and plugged into it my mind seemed to get put on hold, which is a welcome treat. When I start thinking about things I tend to way overthink. Whenever I'm faced with a decision that pertains to a change in my life, it 1)is usually an unnecessary, self-imposed conundrum, and 2)something to take my mind off of my continual boredom both in the working world and at home.

It's an oddity in my life that's been occurring for a couple years now that I can't really explain. Prior to my advancement into a salary position I was a happy-go-lucky guy. Things were different before I was a fully employed dream child for a small company, and somewhere along the way a switch was flipped that turned the lights out over my general contentment. I don't remember a distinct thing that happened to make me feel the way I feel now and have been feeling for 2 years, but I've been fighting to find a way to get back to that state of mind since the day it changed.

I don't think I'm as troubled as I've come off in Sitting the Apple lately, but I'm sure it seems like it. My worries come in spurts, and I'd rather them not come at all. I'm a happy guy, I don't normally stress about much, and I try to live a care-free life because it's easier and less troublesome that way. Something's holding me back.

While it's true there have been times in the recent past where I've felt better and happier than I had in a long while, I still haven't really reached the point where I'm not worrying about things anymore. I recently found out that I'm in more financial distress than I thought, and I'm facing a decision in the near future of either keeping part of my life the same or starting all over in a new place.

As previously stated in this blog, I'm thinking heavily of Option #1: moving to Vegas for a temporary period of time. While many around me are telling me that I won't like living there, and that I simply like vacationing there, I understand their concerns but completely disagree. There are very few people who know me down to the bone and who I have shared many dark times with, and even in the gray period of my life right now they tell me I'd survive out there because of who I am. I believe that.

On the other hand, do I really want to leave the security of a paycheck? The fact that I finally owe a substantial amount of money to my credit cards is making me a hermit in the ocean of freedom. I obviously don't want to move to a new place with accumulated credit riding my coat tails, and relatively while I try in vain to pay down in full my current debts I don't want to move to a new place with no set job while I have no cash in my pockets.

Another option is to hump the job for the paychecks, move to a better place and, dare I say it once more, go back to school. The reason I've been in this state is that I made a bold move to leave my comfort zone and move to Santa Barbara three years ago. It was a new place, a new job, and a fresh start. I didn't know anybody out here, had no friends at first, and spent the better part of my first years here inside or in a casino. Downtown Santa Barbara's entertainment is defined as drinking. Unfortunately for me when I arrived in SB I still had years left before I was legal to drink in public. The one thing I could do is go to the local Indian casino, which allowed gamblers as young as 18. So as any reader of my blog can imagine, that's exactly what I did, and I did it often.

By the time I was able to go out and socialize downtown I was already too miserable to go out and bullshit with random people. I did take a more solid stance in hanging out with my friends in the town over a half an hour away, and thankfully I met Steph. She's definitely changed my life and although we're a drive away from each other, I'm glad we're JUST a drive away from each other.

So that leads to Option #2: move to Ventura and get a place with Steph. This would be a great decision for me mentally outside of work, but I would still face a financial dilemma. I will have my debts paid off by the time it's time to leave my current apartment, but I'll be left on the short end of the money stick and will WANT to get into a full-time job ASAP. So the question at that point is do I stay with my job and make the drive daily twice a day? What's supposed to be a 25 minute drive either way turns into an hour-long trudge northbound in the morning, and the same Hellish drive southbound at 5. And wouldn't you know it, those are exactly the directions I need to go at those times coming and going to Ventura.

The benefits of living in Ventura again would be tenfold. All of my high school friends are there, my best friends are there (with the exception of that lucky bastard who's living in Hawaii right now), and my girlfriend's there. There's stuff to do, the cost of living is acceptable and not completely retarded, there's still a beach if I want to go it (LOL SoCal), and I'm familiar with the area. The reasons I'm unhappy where I am now is basically because I'm living in the exact opposite scene of what I just described.

I don't really want to go through the hassle of getting another job if I'm moving close enough to stay in this office. For as much as I complain about this job, it seems in my mind that if I settle myself in a better living scenario most of my mental troubles will fade away. Of course only time will tell that.

So for this coming weekend, as the thoughts pile up and become trapped, I'll do what any sensible person in my situation would do: go to Vegas.

Something's-Ah Brewing

I was pretty quiet last week due to deep thought...and drinking. Moreso deep thought. I've been strongly and seriously considering moving to Vegas, and I have a lot of research to do if I'm going to continue to put any kind of commitment to the idea.

My lease ends in September, and with any bullocks so should my current job. The paycheck is nice to have on a regular basis, but obviously it's just not enough and just not worth my time.

My thoughts are that either I'll just head out for a year or two and give it a shot so I can stop thinking about "what would be" every day of my life, or I might actually get a job that'll land me in management before long and maybe stay for a while. Either way I'm going to be looking to get into UNLV with a transfer for when I'm done with the City of Dreams.

I'm really, really bored with life right now...so...this is a strong possibility.

OMG OMG OMG I Won the Lottery

IMPORTANT NOTE: the date.

On a serious note, I did buy a guitar yesterday. When I think about it it seems that my biggest urges to gamble come to me when I'm at my lowest points of boredom. Considering I have YET to get back into school for night classes I find myself ultimately useless and braindead for the most part of my days, both at work and at home. I figure if I have so much free time why not try to do something I've always wanted to do?

This was, of course, another impulse buy. I probably spent about an hour thinking about it, and then instantly jammed out to get it. Oddly enough when I compare my decision to gamble to my decision to buy this guitar it seems that there's more merit in buying a guitar than there could ever be gambling.

I started cheap and opted for an Epiphone Les Paul. While I've been told to start learning on an acoustic, living in an older apartment with paper-thin walls doesn't seem like the best place to learn to play an instrument. The guitar sounds fine, and I'll no doubt begin an addiction to guitars as I have with everything else that interests me in the least.

So now here I am, a guitar, an amp, and a pair of headphones, ready to rock the pants off the world. I can only hope I'll put as much time and effort into learning this as I had put into learning poker back when I started. On second thought, that didn't work out too well, so I'm gonna hope for a little more effort with this thing...

Overheard On My Couch

"You know why you like blackjack so much? It fits the swings of your personality exactly."

True.

And So Ends...

...one of the most mentally tough weeks I've yet to have in my young life. On the plate this week were decisions of occupation, location, and determination. To this point I have yet to make any choices, but they are there to be made!

It's come to my attention recently that my current job is making me sad. It's making me bored, mad, and depressed. I'm not making any money, most of the time I have no work to do, and most of the time I'm there I daydream about what I could be doing instead and I constantly berate myself for not being in school.

One of the worst parts of the whole thing is that three and half years ago I only meant for my job to be a stepping stone. Unfortunately it became the #1 thing in my life and everything else disappeared. While it's true that it did get me out of the worst situation I'll admit to ever being in, I only meant for it to be a temporary rescue.

Now I'm so derailed from my original goals that I don't feel like I'll ever get back to where I thought I would be. What did I want to be doing? I wanted to be playing poker. I wanted to be graduating. I wanted to be doing something useful. I wanted to be instantly bettering my life so that I had a bright future ahead of me early, and in the process building myself something so awesome for the future that no one would have thought I could have done it.

And now, instead of the microwave wealth that I had so insistently believed in, I'm here in a dead-end job that won't stop promising me grand things for the future. I'm 22. I want it...NOW.

So taking all of this into account I'm strongly thinking about leaving this place when my lease ends in September. Where to...where to is the question. I could return to Ventura where my friends and my girlfriend are, where potential school futures lie if I want to drive out to CSUCI every day...where...mental normalcy lies?

Or there's the LA area...I don't know if I'd cut it out there though. I seem like a cool enough cat but I'm not sure that would suit me. Then again, I've never thought about it and I really have no idea how things go out there. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

Then on the other side of the map there's...need I say it...Vegas! Yes. Las Vegas, my golden land. I could just head out there and wing it! Crash some couches for a week or two, find a place, get a job. Maybe a dealer. Maybe a fuckin janitor. Maybe another office clerk, but in a place I would love more than anything to live in.

Of course if I did that I could play every day. My bills would be cut in half if I moved out there, and of course there's UNLV. I would love that. I would love to be able to play all the time, to get back into the game! Wouldn't I? Sure, until I sat at the table and lost my first buyin. Then it's back to Hell.

Ugh...of course Steph would die if we had to live in Vegas. I would live.

Whatever happens I still don't know what I truly WANT. I have no frickin clue what it is that I'm lookin for in life. I have ideas sometimes, but they leave my mind as soon as they come. I'm pretty sure I have ADD. I have no medical proof but


Hey I won playing blackjack today! $250 profit from a quick-decision $50 deposit.


And after all that it seems that at my ripe age of 22 I shouldn't have to face the decisions that I put on myself, but I can't help it. I don't know if I'll be bored if I'm either not worrying or celebrating something.

There was once a point that I was calm. I went to work, had a decent day, brought home a paycheck, and stayed inside not spending money and just layin around. That got boring quick.

There was once a point more recently that I thought I was an alcoholic. I went to work, had a balls-out shitty day, went to the bar, brought home a buzz, and stayed inside getting drunk until I passed out. That got boring quick. It was a drain on my wallet too.

And now here I am deciding what's next. I could go sky-diving. Does that cost money?? Damn!

I could...well shit no I couldn't everything costs money. Which brings me to the lesser worries of my week: finances...again.

I've always been good with my credit. Since the day I had my first $500 limit credit card in my freshman year at CSUN I've been good with my credit. In fact there were seldom times where I wouldn't pay off my cards in full. My car was the biggest purchase I had yet to make on credit when I was 20, and seeing as how the creditors saw fit to slap this first-time buyer with 9% APR I've been aware of just how badly interest bones you, the consumer, the borrower.

Because of my financial awareness I've paid my credit cards in full every month up until two months ago. With about half of my available credit in use because of frivolous spending (boredom-based obviously) my credit score has dropped to 731. That's not bad...but it's not what it was!! I want it perfect I want it all I want this I want


Damn I shouldn't have played those $100 hands, I could've cashed out for more...


that. But now I'm finding out that America's favorite past time is spending money one doesn't have. I now face an $1,100 purchase that I can't force myself to not make. It's not even important, this thing that I want, but I HAVE to have it. And why shouldn't I? I don't currently have the money obviously, or else there'd be no decision. But why not charge it and pay it off like most people do? What's a few credit points?

Being so young and without experience, I have no idea what a few credit points are worth. As far as I know 731 is sufficient for now, and in the current state of America's economy I'm assuming 731 is above and beyond what certain lenders are looking for. But I have no idea. I really want to buy this...

I'm always biased towards myself when it comes to making big purchases, because I know how much I've lost lifetime at gambling and how much stuff I could've bought with the money. Of course that doesn't bother me when I'm gambling. Why not? Who knows...ask a gambler. I'm not one.

I guess I could hit the BJ tables again and try to get that other $200 that I was up back...

I Don't Understand

Why people do this:

Full Tilt Poker Game #5834419458: Daily Double - A (43720589), Table 92 - 20/40 - No Limit Hold'em - 21:32:06 ET - 2008/03/29
Seat 1: cazoo (1,750)
Seat 2: Chuu Len 13 (4,200)
Seat 3: Emmanuel83211 (4,105)
Seat 4: corn013 (1,500)
Seat 5: John_Salami (965)
Seat 6: jstidwell (3,290)
Seat 7: MAUIMOON (2,495)
Seat 8: Kid Crash (5,175)
Seat 9: SyphonSoul (1,620)
jstidwell posts the small blind of 20
MAUIMOON posts the big blind of 40
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [9d 9c]
Kid Crash raises to 140
SyphonSoul folds
cazoo calls 140
Chuu Len 13 folds
Emmanuel83211 calls 140
corn013 folds
John_Salami calls 140
jstidwell folds
MAUIMOON folds
*** FLOP *** [6h 8d 2s]
Kid Crash bets 400
cazoo folds
Emmanuel83211 folds
John_Salami raises to 825, and is all in
Kid Crash calls 425
John_Salami shows [4h 3h]
Kid Crash shows [9d 9c]
*** TURN *** [6h 8d 2s] [3s]
*** RIVER *** [6h 8d 2s 3s] [3c]
John_Salami shows three of a kind, Threes
Kid Crash shows two pair, Nines and Threes
John_Salami wins the pot (2,270) with three of a kind, Threes
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 2,270 | Rake 0
Board: [6h 8d 2s 3s 3c]
Seat 1: cazoo folded on the Flop
Seat 2: Chuu Len 13 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: Emmanuel83211 folded on the Flop
Seat 4: corn013 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: John_Salami (button) showed [4h 3h] and won (2,270) with three of a kind, Threes
Seat 6: jstidwell (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 7: MAUIMOON (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 8: Kid Crash showed [9d 9c] and lost with two pair, Nines and Threes
Seat 9: SyphonSoul didn't bet (folded)


Or why shit like this happens ALL THE TIME:

Full Tilt Poker Game #5835001729: Daily Double - A (43720589), Table 92 - 60/120 - No Limit Hold'em - 22:20:39 ET - 2008/03/29
Seat 1: cazoo (1,768)
Seat 2: Chuu Len 13 (4,225)
Seat 3: Emmanuel83211 (4,290), is sitting out
Seat 4: corn013 (3,980)
Seat 5: FullTilter20 (2,396)
Seat 6: jstidwell (710)
Seat 7: MAUIMOON (3,773)
Seat 8: Kid Crash (3,247)
Seat 9: SyphonSoul (3,771)
MAUIMOON posts the small blind of 60
Kid Crash posts the big blind of 120
The button is in seat #6
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [Ac Ad]
SyphonSoul has 15 seconds left to act
SyphonSoul raises to 247
Emmanuel83211 has returned
cazoo folds
Chuu Len 13 folds
Emmanuel83211 folds
corn013 folds
FullTilter20 calls 247
jstidwell folds
MAUIMOON folds
Kid Crash raises to 1,000
SyphonSoul raises to 3,771, and is all in
FullTilter20 folds
Kid Crash calls 2,247, and is all in
SyphonSoul shows [Jc Jh]
Kid Crash shows [Ac Ad]
Uncalled bet of 524 returned to SyphonSoul
*** FLOP *** [9c 8d 6d]
*** TURN *** [9c 8d 6d] [Js]
*** RIVER *** [9c 8d 6d Js] [8h]
SyphonSoul shows a full house, Jacks full of Eights
Kid Crash shows two pair, Aces and Eights
SyphonSoul wins the pot (6,801) with a full house, Jacks full of Eights
FullTilter20: wow i had a J
Kid Crash stands up
cazoo stands up
Chuu Len 13 stands up
Emmanuel83211 stands up
corn013 stands up
FullTilter20 stands up
jstidwell stands up
MAUIMOON stands up
SyphonSoul stands up
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 6,801 | Rake 0
Board: [9c 8d 6d Js 8h]
Seat 1: cazoo didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: Chuu Len 13 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: Emmanuel83211 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: corn013 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: FullTilter20 folded before the Flop
Seat 6: jstidwell (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: MAUIMOON (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 8: Kid Crash (big blind) showed [Ac Ad] and lost with two pair, Aces and Eights
Seat 9: SyphonSoul showed [Jc Jh] and won (6,801) with a full house, Jacks full of Eights


And I can't help but laugh at this "FullTilter20: wow i had a J".

These are the reasons why I don't play on a serious basis anymore. There are so many things I can say about these two hands alone, let alone the swongs I faced in the Daily Double today, but it'll make my brain explode if I try to figure out why people play the way they do.

On the other hand...I sure do miss Vegas.

Sitting the Life

I've been thinking about starting another blog to link with Sitting the Apple and using StA for poker and gambling stuff from here on out, but considering my current and near future state of unplay, that doesn't really seem like a good idea for right now.

I miss being "in the game". I don't miss just playing poker, but being a gambler in the sense that every day my livelihood depended on or somewhat required that I gamble in some sense. Losing or winning hundreds of dollars a day when my paycheck was only hundreds of dollars itself was an exciting feeling.

Many people don't know what it's like to be a gambler. Maybe you call it addiction, maybe you call it a lifestyle. Obviously people view the two with complete conviction that they're individual belief on the subject is correct. There are many people nowadays, thanks to the poker boom and having gambling glorified by the media, that know the ups and downs of being a gambler too well. I started when I was 17.

Being a waiter and walking away with cash from tips every night meant that I had a paycheck behind to pay for my car and that I had enough cash to do what I wanted. I was privileged in the fact that I had more money than most of friends as a working junior. It's because of this that started me playing poker. On a regular basis I would leave form work, go home and change, and head to the Indian casino while I talked to my girlfriend on the phone. As far as she was concerned, I was laying in bed.

Gamblers hide the truth for many reasons. In current times young people hide the truth that they're winning money (for those that do win) for a living simply because people ask too many questions and offer advice on life when it wasn't asked for or appreciated in the first place. I hid it because I knew people would disapprove of a 17 year old gambling.

Lying also means that you're in it alone. You go sit at a table, buyin, and get a rack of chips and prepare yourself for the next few hours. For me it meant that I had three or four hours of play before the poker room went dead, and I'd have to return home just to fall asleep for a few hours before waking up late for school, or missing it altogether.

So I would play alone. I would make friends with those who would frequent the casino because I could talk to them. They understood. In most cases, those guys are worse off than I could ever be. But not me, it wouldn't happen to me. So I would play alone. I would lose some pots, win some pots, and in the end it felt amazing to know that no one else that I knew had an idea of where I was or what I was doing. It was freedom in the most unstable sense.

Many people don't know the feelings you experience as a closet gambler. When you are at a point where you can't tell anybody, everything becomes empowering and distancing. When you lose you have no one to console you. When you win, you know that you can't tell anyone, but you have money in your pocket and YOU know where it came from.

Of course the life of gambling consumes you. Eccentric red and yellow casino carpet fills the halls of your mind when you dream, and the sound of jackpots and shuffling chips blast your ears until you wake up. You can't wait for the next coin flip.

As your gambling evolves and becomes more of a part of you, you learn the scenarios by heart. You know what it feels like to lose it all and you know what it's like to walk to that cage with a handful of black chips and the relief and happiness that follows as the cashier rips hundred-dollar bills onto the granite countertop.

It's an amazing feeling, when you're eating dinner at 3AM and realize that you just accomplished a great financial feat by winning in one night three times the amount of money that you would have to work for for two weeks. Knowing that you either played great, played smart, or just got lucky while you count in your head over and over again the wad that's in your pocket...that's a fun feeling.

On the other hand when you're eating dinner at 1AM and realize that you just lost everything you'd worked for for the past six days, and have now just recreated for the umpteenth time one of the worst financial disasters in your life, well that's an amazing feeling as well. It hurts. It hurts mentally, it hurts emotionally, but you already know the feeling well because you've been there before. You've been in that same seat twenty times before, and each time you realize you'll have to borrow money to pay rent you tell yourself the same thing, "never again."

Throughout the past 4 years of my life I've known what it's like to borrow money, to lend money, to hide from the skeptics and to emerge from my social cave and to throw it in their faces when I've won. I've been complimented, criticized, questioned, and encouraged over the years. In the end, though, I didn't come out on top.

It's the rush that I miss. It's the joy of victory and the thrill of the gamble. I don't miss the feeling of knowing that I fucked up, but I do miss the overall rollercoaster of emotion.

I decided to quit gambling a long time ago; I obviously didn't. I operated in a no-I-shouldn't-ok-one-more-time mode. There came a point where I lost and couldn't get it back, either because I was broke or because I was so afraid to lose more that I couldn't force myself to place another bet to win it back. When I had finally had enough I made a promise to myself and to those who had seen the damage that it caused that I wasn't to gamble again until I had enough money to do so without consequence.

The past couple times I've truly gambled were times of inebriation and celebration. They were times where I had money to lose, save for the last one-night relapse I had. On that night I didn't lose what I couldn't afford, but the alcohol and general absence of the game from my life brought me to lose all but what I needed to survive.

It was at that point where I realized how much I loved and missed it all. As I sat in that diner seat at 5AM, knowing that I had done it again, I remembered the feeling. I made the necessary vow to myself to not do it again, but why not this time? I have a stable full time job that allows me to live life now. I have money to lose if I want, and I can still pay bills, rent, and go out to eat and buy household goods without hesitation.

I want badly to get back into that life. But I want it to be better this time, I want it to not be the wrong kind. For years I let it run my life in a bad way. I started to not have fun with it all and that's when things were the worst. I stopped having fun with it and started depending on the win. I'm over that way of thinking, and if I ever get back to that way of life I'll make sure it's different this time around.

Three-Step Shinny

One of my favorite things to do when I'm messing around and playing blackjack for fun is to play a step-style bet pattern. I start with one minimum bet and should I win press the bet for a specified amount of hands. If I don't win, I place another single unit bet and try again until I finally hit a run. This betting strategy obviously has nothing to do with skill besides knowing the basic strategy for a 6-deck shoe, and any wins that come from it are purely lucky.

Usually the number is set at 5 or 6 hands. On a $10 bet, this results in either $160 or $320 profit. Of course, winning 5 or 6 hands in a row at blackjack isn't really a plausible win rate, so the profit amount on such a betting strategy is minimal in the long run and is obviously something I would never do on a regular basis. This is purely for fun to see if I can pull it off, and if I do and for some reason I can get this done in under five bets, then obviously the payout is an added bonus to my mental satisfaction.

As Joe and I sat around the apartment with drink in hand on Friday night lamenting the fact that we never play poker anymore, the thoughts of this fun and money-wasting scheme crept into my mind. Of course going to play blackjack after drinks wouldn't be a smart idea for two young 20-somethings who barely pass rent every month.

Why not play poker? We were good at it at one point, and even if we weren't we managed to survive a couple years before we lost it all, and that's enough to make me believe that we can win. Well if don't have the money to waste playing blackjack, we certainly don't have the money to play in a casino-stakes environment. If it were online sure we can play $20 buyins and not worry if we lose.

The problem is that over the past two years we would deposit money online, win while we were sober, and then go into an alcoholic, overextending, shot-taking, donkey-tilting poker bender and lose all we had won in one night. We made an agreement not to do that again after it happened for the fifth time.

So...we had alcohol, we had finished some good dinner, what then would we do? I wanted to play my step betting for fun, while we both have been itching to play poker for a while. Neither of us can really afford to blow money at a casino, but we could play for a little bit. Why not combine the both? How about a step-program shortstack extravaganza?? A Countdown to Robusto.

We made ourselves one more drink before throwing $100 on Full Tilt and devising a step plan. The strategy was to shortstack a 20 big blind stack at 6-max starting with a $20 buyin at the $.50/1NL table. When we got to $40 off of that buyin we'd move to a $1/2 table, after a double-up to $80 we'd go to $2/4 and shortstack until we got to $160+ and then quit. We had five shots at this to see where it would go. If we hit $160 and quit we'd start over again with $20 buyins and do it again.

This isn't anything new, but mostly when stuff like this happens it's a busto needing to reclaim some lost cash by not stopping until he's fully bankrolled again by the end of the night, or losing it all back trying. We were trying to find a happy medium.

The fun part with something like this is that if you can get your money in good and run well, you can profit just as easily as you could with any other run-good gambling. Also, with such a short stack part of the goal is to actually commit yourself to hands that you normally wouldn't force yourself to go busto with, and see what happens. As the Phils like to say, "gambo gambo!"

Here's a couple fun ones from the Countdown to Robusto:


Full Tilt Poker Game #5639095452: Table Cherokee (6 max) - $0.50/$1 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:15:11 ET - 2008/03/15
Seat 1: Kid Crash ($20.30)
Seat 2: Moukar1 ($110.75)
Seat 3: nuK1 ($100), is sitting out
Moukar1 posts the small blind of $0.50
Kid Crash posts the big blind of $1
The button is in seat #2
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [Qc Qd]
Moukar1 raises to $2
Kid Crash raises to $5
Moukar1 raises to $110.75, and is all in
Kid Crash calls $15.30, and is all in
Moukar1 shows [Td Js]
Kid Crash shows [Qc Qd]
Uncalled bet of $90.45 returned to Moukar1
*** FLOP *** [3h 6h 5s]
*** TURN *** [3h 6h 5s] [9h]
*** RIVER *** [3h 6h 5s 9h] [Jh]
Moukar1 shows a pair of Jacks
Kid Crash shows a pair of Queens
Kid Crash wins the pot ($40.10) with a pair of Queens
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $40.60 | Rake $0.50
Board: [3h 6h 5s 9h Jh]
Seat 1: Kid Crash (big blind) showed [Qc Qd] and won ($40.10) with a pair of Queens
Seat 2: Moukar1 (small blind) showed [Td Js] and lost with a pair of Jacks
Seat 3: nuK1 is sitting out


Full Tilt Poker Game #5639212349: Table Egret (6 max) - $0.50/$1 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:25:04 ET - 2008/03/15
Seat 1: pheno ($133.50)
Seat 2: luv4uladies ($142)
Seat 3: martijnvdb ($100)
Seat 4: binxer123 ($113.35)
Seat 5: Kid Crash ($35.60)
Seat 6: Litko ($114.70), is sitting out
binxer123 posts the small blind of $0.50
Kid Crash posts the big blind of $1
The button is in seat #3
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [Ad Jh]
pheno folds
luv4uladies raises to $2
martijnvdb folds
binxer123 folds
Kid Crash raises to $5
luv4uladies calls $3
*** FLOP *** [5s Jc 7s]
Kid Crash bets $7
luv4uladies raises to $14
Kid Crash raises to $30.60, and is all in
luv4uladies calls $16.60
Kid Crash shows [Ad Jh]
luv4uladies shows [Ks Jd]
*** TURN *** [5s Jc 7s] [Kc]
*** RIVER *** [5s Jc 7s Kc] [Tc]
Kid Crash shows a pair of Jacks
luv4uladies shows two pair, Kings and Jacks
luv4uladies wins the pot ($68.70) with two pair, Kings and Jacks
Kid Crash is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $71.70 | Rake $3
Board: [5s Jc 7s Kc Tc]
Seat 1: pheno didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: luv4uladies showed [Ks Jd] and won ($68.70) with two pair, Kings and Jacks
Seat 3: martijnvdb (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: binxer123 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 5: Kid Crash (big blind) showed [Ad Jh] and lost with a pair of Jacks
Seat 6: Litko is sitting out


Full Tilt Poker Game #5640285945: Table Quetonia (6 max) - $1/$2 - No Limit Hold'em - 2:06:40 ET - 2008/03/15
Seat 1: king_rithy ($64)
Seat 2: jbl3rd ($162.35)
Seat 3: phidddle ($540.90)
Seat 4: Hasu_Ninja ($200)
Seat 5: Kid Crash ($46.20)
Seat 6: NiceBigJohn ($385.20)
Hasu_Ninja posts the small blind of $1
Kid Crash posts the big blind of $2
The button is in seat #3
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [Kd Kh]
NiceBigJohn folds
king_rithy raises to $4
jbl3rd folds
phidddle folds
Hasu_Ninja adds $1
Hasu_Ninja folds
Kid Crash raises to $10
king_rithy calls $6
*** FLOP *** [4d 6h 5s]
Kid Crash bets $12
king_rithy raises to $54, and is all in
Kid Crash calls $24.20, and is all in
king_rithy shows [Qd 7d]
Kid Crash shows [Kd Kh]
Uncalled bet of $17.80 returned to king_rithy
*** TURN *** [4d 6h 5s] [Jd]
*** RIVER *** [4d 6h 5s Jd] [3h]
king_rithy shows a straight, Seven high
Kid Crash shows a pair of Kings
king_rithy wins the pot ($90.40) with a straight, Seven high
Kid Crash is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $93.40 | Rake $3
Board: [4d 6h 5s Jd 3h]
Seat 1: king_rithy showed [Qd 7d] and won ($90.40) with a straight, Seven high
Seat 2: jbl3rd didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: phidddle (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: Hasu_Ninja (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 5: Kid Crash (big blind) showed [Kd Kh] and lost with a pair of Kings
Seat 6: NiceBigJohn didn't bet (folded)


Full Tilt Poker Game #5639262596: Table Lamb (6 max) - $1/$2 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:29:23 ET - 2008/03/15
Seat 1: Kid Crash ($38)
Seat 2: drfeelgood133 ($622.60)
Seat 3: ripkeniv ($166)
Seat 4: le_kiki ($207)
Seat 5: jprewis ($370.50)
Seat 6: adyar ($197)
ripkeniv posts the small blind of $1
le_kiki posts the big blind of $2
The button is in seat #2
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [9d 9c]
jprewis calls $2
adyar raises to $9
Kid Crash calls $9
drfeelgood133 raises to $41
ripkeniv folds
le_kiki folds
jprewis has 15 seconds left to act
jprewis folds
adyar folds
Kid Crash calls $29, and is all in
drfeelgood133 shows [Ad Qd]
Kid Crash shows [9d 9c]
Uncalled bet of $3 returned to drfeelgood133
*** FLOP *** [2c 6h 5c]
*** TURN *** [2c 6h 5c] [Ts]
*** RIVER *** [2c 6h 5c Ts] [5h]
drfeelgood133 shows a pair of Fives
Kid Crash shows two pair, Nines and Fives
Kid Crash wins the pot ($87) with two pair, Nines and Fives
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $90 | Rake $3
Board: [2c 6h 5c Ts 5h]
Seat 1: Kid Crash showed [9d 9c] and won ($87) with two pair, Nines and Fives
Seat 2: drfeelgood133 (button) showed [Ad Qd] and lost with a pair of Fives
Seat 3: ripkeniv (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 4: le_kiki (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 5: jprewis folded before the Flop
Seat 6: adyar folded before the Flop


Full Tilt Poker Game #5639422581: Table Goldspur (6 max) - $2/$4 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:43:18 ET - 2008/03/15
Seat 1: Bullseye900 ($86.50)
Seat 2: StKolbe ($354.95)
Seat 3: Century2005 ($150)
Seat 4: smallboy3215 ($554.40)
Seat 5: Kid Crash ($96.80)
Seat 6: thelilbearbeeny ($557.60)
thelilbearbeeny posts the small blind of $2
Bullseye900 posts the big blind of $4
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [Jc Js]
StKolbe folds
Century2005 folds
smallboy3215 folds
Kid Crash raises to $12
thelilbearbeeny raises to $40
Bullseye900 folds
Kid Crash raises to $96.80, and is all in
thelilbearbeeny calls $56.80
Kid Crash shows [Jc Js]
thelilbearbeeny shows [Kc Ah]
*** FLOP *** [Qc 8h Ks]
*** TURN *** [Qc 8h Ks] [3d]
*** RIVER *** [Qc 8h Ks 3d] [2h]
Kid Crash shows a pair of Jacks
thelilbearbeeny shows a pair of Kings
thelilbearbeeny wins the pot ($194.60) with a pair of Kings
Kid Crash is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $197.60 | Rake $3
Board: [Qc 8h Ks 3d 2h]
Seat 1: Bullseye900 (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: StKolbe didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: Century2005 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: smallboy3215 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: Kid Crash (button) showed [Jc Js] and lost with a pair of Jacks
Seat 6: thelilbearbeeny (small blind) showed [Kc Ah] and won ($194.60) with a pair of Kings


Full Tilt Poker Game #5639642796: Table Goldring (6 max) - $2/$4 - No Limit Hold'em - 1:03:08 ET - 2008/03/15
Seat 1: bosshagz ($226.60)
Seat 2: homeboi49 ($96)
Seat 3: GiVeMeTheCake ($449)
Seat 4: NigelWinters ($448.30)
Seat 5: kevy34 ($62.50)
Seat 6: Kid Crash ($95.95)
kevy34 posts the small blind of $2
Kid Crash posts the big blind of $4
The button is in seat #4
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [7c 6h]
bosshagz raises to $14
homeboi49 folds
GiVeMeTheCake folds
NigelWinters folds
kevy34 folds
Kid Crash folds
Uncalled bet of $10 returned to bosshagz
bosshagz mucks
bosshagz wins the pot ($10)
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $10 | Rake $0
Seat 1: bosshagz collected ($10), mucked
Seat 2: homeboi49 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: GiVeMeTheCake didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: NigelWinters (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: kevy34 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 6: Kid Crash (big blind) folded before the Flop


Full Tilt Poker Game #5639646782: Table Goldring (6 max) - $2/$4 - No Limit Hold'em - 1:03:31 ET - 2008/03/15
Seat 1: bosshagz ($232.60)
Seat 2: homeboi49 ($96)
Seat 3: GiVeMeTheCake ($449)
Seat 4: NigelWinters ($448.30)
Seat 5: kevy34 ($60.50)
Seat 6: Kid Crash ($91.95)
Kid Crash posts the small blind of $2
bosshagz is sitting out
homeboi49 posts the big blind of $4
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Kid Crash [7d 6d]
GiVeMeTheCake folds
NigelWinters folds
kevy34 folds
bosshagz stands up
BubbleBoy87 adds $400
Kid Crash raises to $12
homeboi49 calls $8
*** FLOP *** [7s 6s Ad]
Kid Crash bets $16
homeboi49 raises to $84, and is all in
Kid Crash calls $63.95, and is all in
homeboi49 shows [Jd Ah]
Kid Crash shows [7d 6d]
Uncalled bet of $4.05 returned to homeboi49
*** TURN *** [7s 6s Ad] [7c]
*** RIVER *** [7s 6s Ad 7c] [4h]
homeboi49 shows two pair, Aces and Sevens
Kid Crash shows a full house, Sevens full of Sixes
Kid Crash wins the pot ($180.90) with a full house, Sevens full of Sixes
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $183.90 | Rake $3
Board: [7s 6s Ad 7c 4h]
Seat 1: bosshagz is sitting out
Seat 2: homeboi49 (big blind) showed [Jd Ah] and lost with two pair, Aces and Sevens
Seat 3: GiVeMeTheCake didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: NigelWinters didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: kevy34 (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: Kid Crash (small blind) showed [7d 6d] and won ($180.90) with a full house, Sevens full of Sixes


Some hands sucked. Some hands made me lozl. Some hands made me fist pump. Overall by the end of the night I had two shots at the $2/4, the first one I flipped JJ vs AK and lost. The second one I got in the right position and held up. After $100, playing all night, and losing and winning some the final tally in my cashier was...$100. Night having fun, playing some cards, gambling, and of course drinking, and I broke even. Good enough for me!

While it might be a little while before I get back into the game, I have a feeling that I will be back to gambo in this style a bit more.

To Blog Again...

I haven't blogged or played poker in quite some time now. While this won't be a full entry, it will be a reminder to myself that I do like writing, despite the fact that I often find myself too lazy to do so. I have plenty of uncompleted entries and ignored titles in my Blogger queue, but to see the day in which they all come to fruition seems to be more and more of a distant hope as the days at work pass.

To quit or to push through.

To drink or to stay sober.

To spend or to save.

If I don't write out the hassles, the hassles seem to build up. Perhaps it's time that I truly start writing. Perhaps it's time to make something of myself and maybe to rejoin society as a successful member and contributor instead of a 22-year-old office drone who rarely does good by anyone and who thrives on mediocrity.

To write or to stay the pen.

Return to the City of Dreams Pt. I

For the fifth time in 2007, I traveled Eastward towards the Strip. This time around we gathered nine of my closest friends, packed into two cars (and one airplane as it was), and took to Sin City to drink, gamble, eat, drink, and drink. The occasion? The holidays. My birthday. Our friendship.

For the holidays I hadn't gotten anything for anyone. For the past year I've been living in a financial funk, never really digging myself into a hole, yet never really building a monument above monetary ground either. I didn't even start excavating land for that matter.

For the coming new year I had cleaned the slate. My credit cards were paid off, my bills were straight, I had a budget all ready and set up, and everything looked good leaving December. The only problem was that up to the holiday season I still had a revolving balance of zero dollars in my bank account.

I had been living a breakeven life on ground zero for the past year, and because of that I had no funds for the holiday season. I had my sister's present and that was it. So before we left, me and the two roommates decided that Christmas in our apartment would consist of spending time with each other in Vegas.

I had also made a commitment to hang out with John Cruz, my buddy who now deals at Planet Hollywood. I had been out there numerous times during the year, and I had seen him on a few of the trips, yet I hadn't really spent as much time as I had wanted to. One of my goals on this trip was to make sure I saw him at least twice, as I always promise to hang out with him when I'm out there, yet I've barely spent any time with him when I'm in Las Vegas.

Across the ocean, Casey and Sommer had moved to Hawaii to attend school and I hadn't seen either of them for months. When we gathered in Vegas in July for Casey's 21st, we made a vow to meet up with them there when they returned from Hawaii in December. They took off to the islands, I went back to my boring desk job, and we texted, talked, and e-mailed our way through the months. We'd finally have a chance to hang out again when December rolled around.

Along with my roommates and Casey and Sommer, Mitchell and Darsky, who seem to be my Vegas staples were going with us. And Steph and I finally got to spend some real time together, devoid of our work schedules and 30-mile spread. Despite the fact that it was going to take me down to my last available dollar for the trip, I was ready to head out to my favorite city with my favorite people for America's favorite time of year.

We made reservations for a couple rooms at the Venetian to accommodate us all. This trip would be the first time I spent any money on a hotel room. All of my previous trips had been purely poker trips, and although I hadn't stayed at any hole in the walls, I certainly had yet to stay at any reputable casino. We were able to get a decent rate since we were going during a slow weekend, and since we were splitting rooms it wasn't even very expensive.

Because I was treating Steph this time around we had made dinner plans for six of us at the Bellagio on one of the nights. Although I do enjoy the general higher quality of food in Vegas, I had yet to have a nice dinner anywhere on any of my trips. We made plans to eat at Sensei, and afterwards (for another first) I got Steph and I tickets to KA at the MGM.

Regardless of the fact that I had been to Vegas multiple times already in '07, this trip was different and I really felt like I was going out for a vacation. My previous trips I felt pressured to do well in poker and not lose any money at all, and obviously when you try too hard at anything you'll end up failing, which I inevitably had all year. However, this time around I was ready.

I had saved enough to pay for the room for Steph and I, pay for food, and to gamble at a level that was comfortable enough to satisfy my mind and not make me feel like death if I lost it. Finally I was really excited to relax, have a good time, and focus more on having fun and being with friends than trying to take the casino or run over the poker table. It was the way most people see Vegas anyways.

At noon on Thursday it was time to gather the troops and head out. We hopped in our cars and after an hour in the right direction and a couple stops to pick people up, our two-vehicle caravan was on the way to what we knew would be four days of drinking, gambling fun.