Homage to 2+2: A BBV Thread

BEAT: I'm about two weeks away from getting fired

BRAG: I'll quickly move to Vegas if I do

VARIANCE: I'm in control of my own fate?

Today I got the word from the Big Man that if I come in late one more time I might as well not come in at all...ever. I'm currently confused as to whether or not I should interpret that as a threat or as a gift. I'm only 21 and being in this position has been playing dirty mind games with me since I started working here.

I will say, however, that I don't want to lose my job. I love this place, I love how much of nothing I get to do all day, I love that I can cover my expenses and afford things that some people my age (and some older) cannot, and I love having stability. I have no girlfriend and no schooling to attend to, so work is basically it. And if I wasn't working full time I wouldn't want to be working.

The problem with this situation is that I'm late and I don't know why. I've been that way since I was younger and for no obvious reason. Obviously it's gotten to a point where it's affecting me in a horrible way, and I'd like to fix this problem, but I can't!

There's something physical happening with my body where I can't wake up when my alarm goes off. I've tried going to bed earlier. I've tried setting my alarm earlier, only to find myself furiously jamming the "snooze" button until it snoozes past my wake-up time anyways. I've been eating different diets over the past couple years, and that hasn't changed anything either.

Let me explain a little more clearly what happens. I awake in the morning to an alarm clock that has already been blaring at me for the past fifteen minutes. I jam the "snooze" button while in a state of 95% unconsciousness, and this much I know only because when I wake up the next time it's fifteen minutes later and I have no recollection of putting the alarm into snooze mode. The unconscious snooze pounding will happen multiple times if I set my alarm clock earlier than I already do, I've tried it. If I put it to a decent time to wake up in relation to my starting time, I end up "snoozing" right through it anyways and finally jump out of bed when I have 15 minutes to be at my desk.

If I was waking up and laying in bed, taking my time, and getting ready and that's what was causing me to be late, I'd fix it. If I got drunk every night and went to bed at 4AM and that's what was causing me to be late, I'd fix it. But it's nothing like that. The matter of fact is that I have a habit of being late because I actually have a physical problem that prohibits me from doing so.

The one thing that I've found that I can wake up for, or unwillingly wake up for in any case, is when I have someone in bed with me. Well...when I wake up next to a chick in bed specifically, though I've never been in a situation to wake up next to a dude so I dunno if it has the same effect. When I wake up next to a girl in bed I'm up long before my alarm is even close to going off, and it's usually a wide eyed, mentally aware kind of awake. I don't know why this is, it might be a protection kind of thing.

Whatever the reason may be, this is the only way I wake up without trouble. Unfortunately for me, I have no one to be there on a daily basis so my troubles will continue. I've always believed that a good woman is behind every man's success, and perhaps this is part of the way it applies to me.

Whatever happens, I think I'll be fine. With the financial dues I've gotten myself into (dues...not debts), losing this job would be a major blow to my financial life. Were I to lose the job, I'd instantly be in a situation where I'd have to make a pretty decent amount of money right off the bat. I've often thought about moving to Vegas, usually with the hopes to play full time, but with the acceptance to deal as well.

In my current downswing and financial crush, the playing full time definitely won't happen. The dealing may. I haven't been truly happy since I moved out here, except for during the stint I had with an unnamed girl. Outside of that shortlived relationship there's been nothing to please me out here. Santa Barbara is a nice town and I do enjoy living here, but I am not happy.

If I got fired and moved to Vegas, it would be a blessing in disguise as far as I'm concerned. The change of scenery would be nice, the nightlife would be fun, and the thought of living by the seat of your pants as a player/dealer has always sounded like a crazy fun thing to do at my age.

I don't think I'll get fired too soon, but if I'm going to be told that the axe will be dropped if I'm late one more time, I'd imagine that I'll be gone from here soon enough. Of course, all of you loyal readers will be kept updated. Wish me luck.

Until next time.