Hey There Children

I haven't been writing recently because, frankly, I hate writing about losing. And as much as I try not to be a biased writer, writing about losing sucks if that's ALL you do, as is the situation I've come to feel like I am in. And also I hate the way my posts have been coming in. I don't like posting an uplifting "I knew I could it!" post one day just to have it followed by a "Dammit I suck at life and should not ever play poker ever cuz I suck" post. It's probably not fun for you all to read, and it really seems immature to me. And while things haven't been going well for me recently, rather than re-explain all the depressing bad beats and bad plays, I'll just say a few words about life.

Recently I had an epiphany of sorts. After getting crushed in the $350,000 guaranteed at Chumash, and getting handled at the cash games afterwards, I kind of took a step back to evaluate and wonder: 1)what I am doing wrong, and 2)what the hell is wrong with ME. After thinking for a long while, the reasons listed below are what I came up with.

I've never been the best money manager, I'll admit to that. Is that a good thing for a gambler? Of course not lolp. Most of the time I spend too much money on useless crap that I never use, I eat out a lot, and I usually spend money on things that I don't NEED even though there are clearly things that I DO need. I am a big idiot in this field, that much is apparent. I also pay for people a lot even though I'm not (and have never been) in a situation to do so. Luckily for me, I have people in my life that understand that I have great passions that get in the way of practicality, and I also have enough sense not to get to a point past saving.

I haven't been the healthiest person in the world lately, lately being the past year. I definitely am not fat, but I could use some excercise and diet changes for the pure healthiness of it. Now as any serious poker player knows, these two things are key to being a successful player. Whether or not these two things (or lack of them) are directly related to my inconsistant success, I don't know, but I'd have to guess they do.

Another thing is that because of my lack of financial responsibility I'm broke, just flat out. Santa Barbara is a crazily expensive place to live. As a matter of fact Forbes Magazine ranked Santa Barbara, CA as the 7th most expensive city to live in in 2005 with a starting median housing price of $2,050,000. We made another top 10 for 2006 as well. Prices aside, I've been living out here for barely over a year now since leaving CSUN with nothing, and I have nothing to show for it. I have no cash, a beat down car, and still haven't gotten back to school since I relocated. Being in this depressed (and depressive) state for the past year hasn't helped my game at all.

Overall my poker game has definitely improved. I've been making some good folds, some great calls, and some even better plays. I don't make the right move every time, but nobody does. But regardless I really don't feel like I'm at the level where I should be, and I honestly think it's because of the situations I've stated above.

Guess what Loyal 5. It's all about to change. I'm moving into a new apartment tomorrow and plan on eating in a LOT more than I do now, because currently I'm NOT eating in. I started playing beach volleyball, if that's what you want to call it...I suck, but in any case it's excercise and sunlight. And, because my recent losses have left me short on cash, I've adopted a new view on cash flow and money management. Things are also going well at work. Some things are going to change in the future around the office that are really going to be in my favor. What does this all mean?

Well for starters, I won't be playing cards. Sure if Darsky or Joe wants to put me in a game, I'd be happy to take the stake and split the treasure, as that has seemed to work out quite well in the past. I'll also be playing the monthly at Paul's as well as the crazy quarter games that pop up every once in a while. But basically I won't be putting any money into the game for a little bit. Once things settle down a bit after I move in, I have to take care of certain expenses that have been hanging over my head for some months now. After that I'll save up a bit so as not to get in sticky situations again, and by that time I should be in a perfect mental state to take down some sick cash playin cards. I know I have the ability to do it (it's true, I've been told so), but without discipline skill means nothing in the world. It's really sad that I've let things slide for so long, but I'm really feelin like I'm turnin things around. And it's not that I've slid SO far, but I know that I'm better than where I have let myself get to.

Anyways I won't be abandoning this blog at all, and in fact I might reach out more to other viewers without as much poker talk coming through. But in time I will return and really put myself in the game like I have in the past, just this time I'll really be able to take a hold on it. I know things like this happen, and the greatest of pros have been broke multiple times early in their careers, so I'm not scared.

Until next time.